Dating relationship advice
You can’t put boundaries on someone else—only yourself.
If someone is treating you badly, you can’t change their behavior.
When I was single and stressed about finding love, my good friend, Scott, a confirmed bachelor, told me this. I knew he was The One when he told me, “I’ve always been too nice for the naughty girls and too naughty for the nice ones.” That had been my experience with men.
He said, “Lisa, you need to calm down, chill out, and stop expecting love to be here already. My advice for singles who are struggling in their search is to look within and ask themselves what part of their own life still needs work. Right] will not be perfect, but will be perfect for you, just as you’ll be perfectly imperfect for him [or her].
And even when you do find the right one, you’ll still have your work cut out for you as you make an effort to maintain your relationship.
And when we don’t, we tend to take turns supporting the other’s wants. Gail Saltz, is a clinical associate professor of psychiatry at New York Presbyterian’s Weill-Cornell Medical College.
They also made clear that this only works if you are giving 90%. I definitely think about my spouse’s needs and feelings the majority of the time and try to be compromising.
In return I feel he is 90% thinking of me and how to consider my feelings and be supportive and loving.
It destroys the quality of our lives and over time, the relationship.
This advice impacted the way I approach romantic relationships in that I allowed for a lot more space, which in turn allowed for less reactivity, more peace, happiness, and respect.
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But you can ask yourself why you accept it and how you can put a boundary on yourself so that you won’t accept it again.